we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
