oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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