Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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