im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
