Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
