I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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