I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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