Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
