If that was your dad, he is hot
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
