Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
