enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
