I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize