Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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