We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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