btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
