I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
