Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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