Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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