This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
