i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
