I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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