So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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