He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
why is half of my head shaved?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
