I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
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I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
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Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD