Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts