Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.