How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
