Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
