I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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