note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
