Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
