You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
