what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize