i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Small penises have feelings too.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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