Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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