Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
