how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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