All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
