I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
