we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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