I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
