The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
