I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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