tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
