We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
