so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My vagina just recognized that song.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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