Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
