i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
