u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
