So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
