there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
