i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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