Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
