I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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