it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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