Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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