went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
