you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
