toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
