I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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