So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You may now shotgun with the bride
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
