And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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