I hate your face
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
