a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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