We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
