Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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