You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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