you guys were way drunker than both of me
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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