Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
