I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sext me about skeletons
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
