Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I look better un-naked...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize